woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
