at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
