He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
pray to the hookup gods
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
