I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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