Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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