I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
