I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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