I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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