That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
if only i could text you this smell
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
