please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
