wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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