I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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