friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
