it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
