throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
