And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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