When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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