Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
