is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
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How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
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he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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