i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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