Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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