i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
