one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
