worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
