proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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