I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
