I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
