11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
