HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
