It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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