I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
