ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
