I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
