Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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