I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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