Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
honey bunches of taint.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
