Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
only if we run a train.
done.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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