I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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