I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize