I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
