Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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