I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
