I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
