A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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