I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
