While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
