You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I love you. Go after that dick
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
