I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
