They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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