Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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