Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
