i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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