id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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