So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
