mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
