Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
