So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
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We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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