youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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