you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this beer tastes like vomit already
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
