Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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