i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
