I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
