What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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