Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
