We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
