Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
