dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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