So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
someone owes me an orgasm
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
