so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
