I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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