I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
