I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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