i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
