Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
im holly from the hills drunk
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i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
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It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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