Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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